My Radar

So this post will probably sound arrogant, and may even turn some of you against me. Hopefully it doesn’t.

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had this weird feeling/instinct. It’s something in my stomach that kicks in when I’m about to encounter a situation, or most importantly a person, that will not be good for me. It’s happened without fail for as long as I can remember. It kind of feels like what most people would call “butterflies in your stomach.” This in and of itself isn’t unique. Most people have got some type of intuition. What I believe is unique is how much I rely on it.

This is going to sound odd, and probably a bit irrational, but I have based almost every decision in my life on this feeling. I just tend to “know” if something is good or bad for me, and I decide accordingly, logic be damned. Because of this I have made some very illogical choices in my life that have always seemed to pan out in my favor.

The decision to move from my hometown, my friends, and a job I knew I could do well, just to come to a town I’d never been and do a job I’d never done was one of these illogical choices. It’s paid off quite well.

The choice to have my girlfriend of a couple of months run away and move in with me in another city, even though I lived in a dorm, had no job for her, and had no plan, resulted in the only relationship that’s never gone sour on me.

Now this “6th sense” also relates to people I meet. [get ready for the arrogant sounding part]

Usually within 10 seconds of meeting someone I know whether or not I want to be around that person, or whether I will get along with them. It doesn’t even require them to speak to me. I just need to be in the same room/area with them and I get this feeling. So far it’s served me quite well and my instincts are usually verified after I actually do speak to them and get to know them. Now some people will naturally say that because I have told myself I don’t like this person prior to actually getting to know them, then I’m really just tainting future interactions with them and; therefore, it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. This is possible, but I’ve had these initial reactions confirmed by other people as well. I’ll come into contact with someone ad think to myself, “Danger, danger, step away” but won’t actually pass these thoughts along to anyone. Then later, after interactions have taken place, some other person will come and give me their reaction to that person, without prompting from me, and it confirms my initial reaction.

This radar has basically determines who I associate with and what I do with my life. As crazy as it sounds, I’ve managed to surround myself with a VERY small group of people who contribute positive things to my life, and I’ve managed to create a life that is exactly what I wanted when I set out to create my own life. This is “the circle” as I call it. The universe that I’ve constructed around myself, and it’s all based on some feeling in my gut. Illogical, and perfect all in one swoop.

Fathomless Regression (the rambler)


About fathomlessregression

I am a musician, writer, painter, brother, husband, and father. I have more questions about life than I do answers, and spend the majority of my time exploring the infinite number of possibilities that exist. This is accomplished through my art, music, writing, and most of all through conversation. View all posts by fathomlessregression

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